By Luna Windust
Cobbles, Pebbles, Boulders, and other Rocks of Varying Size,
Autumn has come to Portland once again, and with it many of our good old fashioned traditions: pumpkin everything has hit our coffee shops, the PDX Bros have switched their baseball caps and tees out for beanies and flannels, and every local band you know and love has a Halloween Cover Show.
For our inaugural Halloween Set, SOMEONE (that someone was me) JOKINGLY suggested doing a Frank Zappa Cover Show…and of course because this band is full of absolute freaks everyone ran with it.
Now if there is one thing I can commit to it is the bit so we have, in fact, built an entire 30 minute set of freaky and frightening delights that will rouse Frank Himself and the Mothers of Invention from beyond the grave homo-style.
I gotta say, though, this has taken some true archeological study to achieve.
Despite or maybe due to Zappa's status as the OG lyrical edge-lord, his discography has been kept surprisingly relevant by Magical Autistic Dads, Neurodiverse Music Nerds, and the odd Dr. Demento Revivalist. There are websites devoted to Zappa analysis, subreddits (of course), and still 1.3 million people listening to the guy each month.
You would think, with all of this Zappa fanfare, that figuring out our parts for the set would be as simple as drawing on what some weirdo had already figured out and posted online like people do for every other cover…except in this case, to quote The Craft, “We are the Weirdos, Mister!”.
Avery and I spent four hours, (yes, four) using his initial research and a really good pair of headphones to figure out the exact lyrics to a background part in the last song of our set, record the parts, and send them out to the whole band to learn. This means that there is, in fact, a cursed acapella version of the song with me doing all of the parts. While the knowledge that this section had lyrics taken from another song existed online, the exact lyrics did not and I think there may be a possibility that we are currently the only people in the world with them written out entirely…until now because I am imparting them to you as a sneak peak for the show. They are as follows:
WARNING, NSFW:
Doreen, don't make me wait
Til tomorrow
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo
Please darling
Let me gobble tonight
And it'll be alright
Woo
You can't make me say
I won’t gurble
All over you
My spout
Is burning with love
And it wants you tonight
I hope you’re good and Tighhhhhhht
Now if you can guess, from these lyrics, what the final song of the set is, you might be a bigger nerd than anyone in 5BR.
If you can't, and you'd like to find out, you're just gonna have to come and see us at
Twilight Cafe and Bar on October 23rd, doors at 7:30, show at 8, for $13(21+) .
We're playing with some great other groups including Sad Boy Union, Hard Pill, The Slightest Ure, and “Gravure” so you should really come out.
See You There!
The Biggest Rock by Volume,
Luna